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Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Throttle Me a Busker, Ukulele Criminal, Light Duties, Flying Tadpole's Travelling Blues Band, A Childes Garden of Ecologickally Correct Songes, Holidays and Other Disasters, and Irritatin' Katy.
1. |
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(Come on in...)
Tell you what we're gonna do
We're gonna sing a little song or two
Hope you'll stay around to listen in...
We really don't have anything in mind
But that's no call for you to be unkind!
We just make do with what we find,
Whatever the cat drags in.
We'll pick it off the doorstep,
Out of the bed,
Under the table
(Hope it's not dead)
Off the soles of our boots
And into the bin...
Whatever the cat drags in.
[fake kazoo solo]
Some of what comes in you'll want to stroke,
Some of it'll make you want to choke,
Some of it'll put you...in a spin.
But there's nothing here to make you wake in fright,
Take it from us, everything'll turn out right,
And if it gets away, well, we'll chase it through the night,
Whatever the cat drags in.
Road pizzas, caterpillars,
Three-legged frogs,
Hamburger remnants,
Very small dogs,
Fur balls and sidewalls
Into the bin..
Whatever the cat drags in.
Trash collectors, film directors,
Possums and rats,
Endangered birds and cattle herds
And vampire bats,
Its all for your enjoyment,
Here in the bin,
Whatever the cat drags in.
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2. |
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My knees they won't fit
My table's broke
Cattle class. The pits.
Flying's no joke
Twelve hour flight
But the time doesn't change
Jammed in tight
Home on the range
The remote's bent and worn
The movie's old
The beer's gone warm
The food's gone cold
I can't cut this fish
My elbow's stuck tight
I'll suck from the dish...
Long-distance flight
Guy in front
Come back to his place
Lets his seat down
Back in my face
Ten minutes wait
The WC
But I can't cross my legs
Misery me.
I cain't get no sleep
My left eye's glued shut
Right ear can't hear
Flights gummed it up
My feet they've swole up
My back feels like broke
Can't get my shoes on
Am I having a stroke?
What'll I do?
What'll I do?
What'll I do
When a wing falls off?
If I scream now
Will they throw me off?
What keeps this thing up?
What makes it go?
What am I doing here?
Why don't I know?
Long distance cattle
The cheap way to fly.
Glamour of travel.
Pie in the sky
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3. |
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V1
It seems like yesterday that you turned fifty,
And here you are, you're pushing fifty-four!
It won't be long before you're passing sixty,
And baying to the moon for one year more.
Yes, we're going geriatric all together,
The baby boomers bumming one more year.
We're watching what we eat
But we've lost sight of our feet
And the doctor tries to wean us off the beer.
CHORUS
Yes, we're going geriatric all together
The baby boomers showing how its done...
We don't wanna die too soon
It's just the afternoon
And we'll stay here in the best spot in the sun!
SPOKEN TIRADE
Well OK, I've got so much to do I haven't got the sound effects ready...so:
Just imagine you're listening to a bunch of babyboomers eating 'n' drinking your inheritance away, yeah! Party party, you know, reverse-mortgaging the cat for one more Alaskan cruise, just love those orcas playing tennis with the seals!
And hey, Generation X, thought you'd slip into the babyboomers' slot, yeah? Masters of the Universe? Well here's news for you too--you know all those great ideas you threw up for promotion and we signed off on? Well, they're the big Global Financial Crisis now and GUESS WHAT?!!!
YOU get to keep us alive once we've et and drunk and travelled Generation Y's inheritance, yeah! 'Cos...
CHORUS
... we're going geriatric all together
The baby boomers showing how its done...
We don't wanna die too soon
It's just the afternoon
And we'll stay here in the best spot in the sun!
V2
Tomorrow we pick up our four-wheel gopher;
It's not exactly what we'd once have planned.
Acceleration's not quite what we hoped for,
But at least the top speed's something we can stand.
Yes, we're going geriatric all together,
The baby boomers bumming one more year...
Our hides are wearing thin,
And our teeth are caving in
And our bladders' now a constant source of fear.
CHORUS
'Cause we're going geriatric all together
The baby boomers showing how its done
We don't wanna die too soon
Its just the afternoon
And we'll stay here in the best spot
You know we want the best spot
We've always had the best spot in the sun!
(take that, Generation Y!)
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4. |
I want my song sung!
03:43
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I want my song sung
By a singer who can sing.
It's not as if I'm asking
For a very big thing.
But when I try to sing it
It's like the cat got choked
People call "Emergency"
The cops don't see the joke
The fire brigade, they aren't amused
The ambulances go confused
The neighbors call the TV news
It's like all Hell just woke.
My girlfriend she gives up and goes
And says "Don't try to ring!"
That's why I want my song sung
By a singer who can sing!
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5. |
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"You're not on the flight computer
Doesn't matter what you say
There's no point waving emails
It's me who rules the day
No, you simply don't exist
You'll get no boarding slip
So shift your bags and go away
And next time go by ship."
We traveled on our E-tickets
Half the world and more
Till we fetched up all unwary
On Italy's sunny shore
And there we discovered
That the airport flacks insist
If you're not on their computer,
Tough. You don't exist
"You're not on the flight computer
Doesn't matter what you say
There's no point waving emails
It's me who rules the day
Go back to your Travel Agent
To get it all set right
Not my fault it's 12,000 miles
And the middle of the night."
"No you can't just book a seat
They've booked out all this flight
No there's not another plane
Until next Friday night
I won't load you, there's no listing
Don't know why you stay
Get that luggage off the belt
And get out of the way!"
The airline we were flying
Produced from out its files
Copies of our tickets
Which proved we owned the miles
But all in vain. The airport flack
Tapped her computer keys:
"Ha! You're not on the manifest
So stop bothering me!"
"You're not on the flight computer
I don't care what they say
Their computers do not rate
It's me who rules the day
No, you simply don't exist
You'll get no boarding slip
So shift your bags and go away
And next time go by ship."
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6. |
It's all about spin
04:45
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SPIN!
SPIN!
IT’S ALL ABOUT SPIN!
NOBODY CARES WHAT STATE WE’RE IN!
ALL THAT MATTERS IS FEEDING THE BITE…
NOBODY CARES IF THE FACTS AREN’T RIGHT.
DON’T CONFUSE ME WITH THE ADVERTISING MAN,
I’M A DIFFERENT KIND OF CAT, I DO WHAT I CAN.
THE ADVERTISING MAN HE’S JUST OUT TO SELL,
BUT ME, MY WORDS WILL TURN YOUR LIFE TO HELL,
BECAUSE THEY’RE...
SPIN!
SPIN!
IT’S ALL ABOUT SPIN!
NOBODY CARES WHAT STATE WE’RE IN!
JUST SPIN IT HARD ENOUGH TO GET THE BITE,
PEOPLE SWALLOW ANYTHING IF IT'S SPUN RIGHT.
MY CLIENTS ON THE CATWALK, THEY’RE ALL SKIN AND BONE,
BUT WHEN I SPIN IT THEN THE MEDIA SAYS: “THEY’RE TONED”.
AND COMPANIES I SPIN FOR MIGHT ALL BE CROOKS,
BUT WHEN I SPIN IT PROPERLY, NO-ONE LOOKS.
THAT’S
SPIN,
SPIN,
IT’S ALL ABOUT SPIN!
IF YOU SPIN IT RIGHT THEY’RE ALL TAKEN IN.
THEY NEED SOMEONE TO TELL THEM WHAT TO DO.
IF IT’S SPUN HARD ENOUGH, THEN IT MUST BE TRUE.
OH LORD, LET ME SPIN IT AGAIN;
OH LORD, LET’S DO IT AGAIN;
OH LORD, NO PAIN, NO GAIN!
CLIENTS GET THE GAIN, EVERYBODY GETS THE PAIN
FROM THE…
SPIN,
SPIN,
THE WORLD MOVES ON SPIN.
THERE’S NOTHING THAT YOU CAN’T TAKE THEM IN.
THEY WANT SOMEONE TO TELL THEM WHAT TO DO.
IF YOU SPIN HARD ENOUGH, THEN IT MUST BE TRUE!
[BRIDGE]
SPIN,
SPIN,
IT’S ALL ABOUT SPIN…
NOBODY CARES WHAT STATE WE’RE IN!
ALL THAT MATTERS IS FEEDING THE BITE…
NOBODY CARES IF THE FACTS AREN’T RIGHT.
DON’T CONFUSE ME WITH THE ADVERTISING MAN,
I’M A DIFFERENT KIND OF CAT, I DO WHAT I CAN.
THE ADVERTISING MAN HE’S JUST OUT TO SELL,
BUT ME, MY WORDS WILL TURN YOUR LIFE TO HELL
BECAUSE THEY'RE
SPIN!
SPIN!
IT’S ALL ABOUT SPIN!
NOBODY CARES WHAT STATE WE’RE IN!
JUST SPIN IT HARD ENOUGH TO GET THE BITE,
PEOPLE SWALLOW ANYTHING IF IT'S SPUN RIGHT.
THAT’S
SPIN,
SPIN,
IT’S BEAUTIFUL SPIN,
IF YOU SPIN IT RIGHT THEY’RE ALL TAKEN IN.
THEY NEED SOMEONE TO TELL THEM WHAT TO DO.
IF IT’S SPUN HARD ENOUGH, THEN IT MUST BE TRUE!
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7. |
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V1
I'm not content to be
Unsaturated....
I want my french fries fried in solid fat.
I want my donuts doughy
And I want the cream entire
No light or skim or soy, I won't have that
V2
I want my choc'late, choc'late
Full of dark desire,
Alkaloids and butter! Makes me smile!
And triple sugared icecream
And oozing fatty dogs
And ketchup-dripping cheeseburgers with style
CH
Everybody's bloating
Doesn't matter what they eat
Pump the fat and sugar up!
Who needs to see their feet?
Ignore those calories
'Cos we're all gonna die!
Eat away your miseries
And supersize your pie!
V3
I like my food well-salted,
Adds a bit of taste!
And lots of peanut oil to make it slick.
And starch encrusted spuds
I know they help my waist!
And skip the salads, they just make me sick!
I'm not content to live
On rabbit food.
Sugared, fat or bloody, that's the style!
My arteries might sieze up
But until I go
It's pure indulgence, pure enjoyment all the while!
CH (Repeat)
Everybody's bloating
Doesn't matter what they eat
Pump the fat and sugar up!
Who needs to see their feet?
Ignore those calories
'Cos we're all gonna die!
Eat away your miseries
And supersize your pie!
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8. |
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CH
You gotta swing that suitcase through the door
You gotta wipe them 'cross the station floor
They're all been skiing up the line
They're all hyped up on adrenaline
You won't get off this train no more
'Less you swing that suitcase through the door.
It's a skiers' train,
What'd you expect?
If you don't make a stand,
You'll get no respect
You want to get off?
They wanna get on!
If you don't move fast
You're dead and gone!
CH
Swing that suitcase through the door
Wipe them 'cross the station floor
They're all been skiing up the line
They're all hyped up on adrenaline
You won't get off this train no more
Unless you swing that suitcase through the door.
[BRIDGE]
When that door opens
Swing it wide
Swing that case
From side to side
Knock that crowd
Right off of their feet
And you just might make it
To the street...
CH
Swing that suitcase through the door
Wipe them 'cross the station floor
They're all been skiing up the line
They're all hyped up on adrenaline
You won't get off this train no more
If you ride any further, you're in hock with the law
You want to get off? Then you have to make war!
Swing that suitcase through the door.
Swing that suitcase through the door.
Swing that suitcase through the door!
(Piano: Thump. Bang. Crash. Gliss. Scream)
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9. |
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What is it makes people run when I stand up to sing?
Their dinner's cooked, they've got a date, any crazy thing.
I know that I can't really sing, but what I fail to see,
If it worked for Noel Coward, why won't it work for me?
You hear them singers singing--
Their A's are pretty flat--
Hey! I could do lots better!
I sing flatter than that!
And all those sharp and groovy types
They think that they're so cool...
But I can sing real sharp as well,
I'm no singer's fool!
So what is it makes people run when I stand up to sing?
They just remembered, pager buzzed, any crazy thing.
I know that I can't really sing, but what I fail to see,
If it worked for Noel Coward, why won't it work for me?
It's not as if I haven't tried
To hook some singers up.
I've tried to get them by my side,
But something's always up
The mic's not working, laptop's bust,
Swine flu's come around.
So when my songs are up for grabs,
No singers on the ground.
So...
What is it that makes people run when I stand up to sing?
Their husband's died, their cat's run off,
Their house burnt down, they've got a cough,
They need a loo, they gotta fly,
Next time though they'll stop right by!
It seems that they're upset, by any crazy thing,
That always seems to strike them just when I stand up to sing.
Hey, I know that I can't really sing, but what I fail to see
If it worked for Noel Coward, why won't it work for me?
Words and music Copyright (c) 2009 TJ Fatchen All Rights Reserved APRA-AMCOS
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10. |
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V
There's a strange thing happening to you and me
Our money's gone into eternity
Our retirement stash shouldn't hold any fears
But clowns pulled it down around our ears
BR
The work dried up and they "let us go"
Yes they'd want us back in a month or mo'
But that was last year and I look around
And the jobs are pretty thin here on the ground
CH
Money I got none, the GFC
Ate my job and it's eating me!
Money don't buy happiness, everyone knows
But when you got no money, you don't come close
V
My superannuation was like Superman
Like a speeding bullet, that was the plan
Leapt off the stock exchange in a mighty bound
But there wasn't much left once it hit the ground
[BR]
CH
Money I got none, the GFC
Ate my job and it's eating me!
Money don't buy happiness, everyone knows
But when you got no money, you don't come close
V
Still it's OK for me, I got a nest
And some of my nest eggs didn't go west
But I worry 'bout the kids and the families
That already been ate by the GFC.
[BR]
CH
Money I got none, the GFC
Ate my job and it's eating me!
Money don't buy happiness, everyone knows
But when you got no money, you don't come close
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11. |
They play Sound of Music
02:17
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In Salzburg,in winter
They play "Sound of Music"
Twenty four hours a day
And seven days a week.
The skies might be grey
But the Trapps keep on singing
Twenty four hours a day
And seven days a week.
In Salzburg,in winter
There's no Lonely Goatherd
'Cos every hotel room
Is playing his song.
And Maria keeps trying
To climb every mountain
And the Trapp Family Singers
Show the right way from wrong.
In Salzburg, in winter
The river might be frozen
The sidewalks all icy
And the sky dark and grey
But it's better to wander
The streets and risk frostbite
Than stay in your room with Maria all day.
In Salzburg,in winter
They play "Sound of Music"
Twenty four hours a day
And seven days a week.
The skies might be grey
But the Trapps keep on singing
Twenty four hours a day
And seven days a week.
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12. |
Swine Flu City
04:00
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CH
I'm living in the middle of Swine Flu City
Yeah the swine flu's got here and there ain't no pity
They all wear masks wherever they go
And they blow their brains out through their nose
Pigs can't fly we thought we knew
But lemme tell you, this swine flu!
V1
I do my burnouts in the middle of the road
I play chicken with the streetcars, make them shake their load
I drink my way hard to an early grave
I smoke my way to hell, guess I won't be saved
Dragging on the freeway I never much cared
But this swine flu's got me runnin' scared!
CH
I'm living in the middle of Swine Flu City
Yeah the swine flu's got us and there ain't no pity
They all wear masks wherever they go
And they blow their brains out through their nose
Pigs can't fly we thought we knew
But lemme tell you, this swine flu!
V2
I basejump off the top of the towers
I ski the black runs after closing hours
I freedive deep in the limestone caves
It's adrenaline and speed, that's what I crave
Tryin' to kill myself's how I stay alive
But if I get swine flu then I won't survive!
CH
I'm living in the middle of Swine Flu City
Yeah the swine flu's got us and there ain't no pity
They all wear masks wherever they go
And they blow their brains out through their nose
Pigs can't fly we thought we knew
But lemme tell you, this swine flu!
BRIDGE
Yeah I'm living when I'm...
Cycling on the freeway
Snorting in the bars
Dodging bullets in the street
Falling under cars
Mono wheeling traffic jams
Surfing the trains
But if I get swine flu, I'm gonna die in pain!
CH
Yeah, we're all living in Swine Flu City
Yeah the swine flu's got us and there ain't no pity
We all wear masks wherever we go
And we blow their brains out through the nose
Pigs can't fly we thought we knew
But lemme tell you, this swine flu!
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13. |
Blood on the Roses
02:05
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A dark winter's day
The cold north wind blowing
The leaves gone away
In the mountains it's snowing
And outside these walls
A battle still raging
The mad cut and slash
With viciousness waging
There's blood on the roses
The bodies lie bleeding
And on the red blood
The worms begin feeding
The survivors they stagger
Their future they're ruining
There's blood on the roses
The curs'd Winter Pruning...
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14. |
The Cairo Marriott Crow
02:55
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CH
I'd like for you to join me [yeah?]
When you come to old Cairo [where?]
You don't want to miss me [why??]
I'm the Cairo Marriott Crow.
I'm a two-tone crow [he's a two-tone crow]
I'm a cut above [a cut above]
No garbage for me and that is why
It's the Marriott I love!
V1
I'm easily fed [he's easily fed]
But carrion won't do [no garbage for you!]
Some Turkish bread [got a smart head!]
A beef bone or two [and a bit of ragout]
A lamb kebab [perhaps some crab?]
Perrier to drink [or the garden sink!]
I'll entertain you...
I'm a crow what thinks!!
CH
And here's where you will find me [where?]
When you come to old Cairo [there?]
I'm the talk of the garden tables!
I'm the Cairo Marriott Crow.
INSTR BRIDGE
V2
Forget those pyramids! [what?! why?]
I'm the better show [no!]
Old King Tut he's dead and gone [sorta...]
But I'm still on the go [better hop it...]
A crow's gotta do [carry on!]
What a crow's gotta do [true...]
So take a garden table
And I'll entertain you!
CH
So you know where to find me [of course!]
When you come to old Cairo [we'll go!]
I'll wait on your table too
I'm the Cairo Marriott Crow.
[Yes we know where to find you
When we come to Old Cairo
But please stay off our table
Oh Cairo Marriott Crow]
AND...a heap of impromptu dialogue while the piano player goes loopy!
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15. |
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V1
We're in a bit of an eco-fix,
Our river, it's stopped flowing.
We know what's wrong, it's the old song,
Them cotton fields keep growing!
But there's votes up there, so we gotta take care
Not to fix it or get in a stew.
The river's had its day? Turn the spotlight away
And let's shoot a camel or two!
CH
Yes, let's shoot a camel or two!
Let's shoot a camel or two!
Saving the river's much too hard,
But shooting's easy to do!
It won't solve anything, I know,
But a helicopter gunship's a pretty good show,
And it won't matter that the river don't flow,
If we shoot a camel or two!!
V2
We done our best to ignore it,
And blame it on Climate Change,
But as it dries up, people won't shut up,
So we'll turn to our home on the range.
It'll save the can for our Midnight Oil man,
As he shuffles the miner's queue.
He'll be able to sleep, 'cos his bed won't burn
If we shoot a camel or two!
CH
Yes, let's shoot a camel or two!
Let's shoot a camel or two!
Saving the river's much too hard,
But shootings easy to do!
It won't solve anything, I know
But a helicopter gunship's a pretty good show,
And it won't matter that the river don't flow,
If we shoot a camel or two!!
[short instrumental bridge]
V3
The camels ran wild a hundred years
Their numbers go up and down.
But we didn't worry about them much,
Till the river stopped coming to town.
But now, we need to make a splash!
The river's dead, what do we do?
We can't fix the opinion polls with cash
But we can shoot a camel or two!
CH
Yes, let's shoot a camel or two!
Let's shoot a camel or two!
Saving the river's much too hard,
But shooting's easy to do!
It won't solve anything, I know,
But a helicopter gunship's a pretty good show,
And it won't matter that the river don't flow,
If we shoot a camel or two!!
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16. |
He fell into a pyramid
04:03
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A)
He fell into a pyramid
Six million tons of rock
Didn't look where he put his foot
A fatal mental block
So they shoved him in the 'cophagus
And hammered down the lid
Can't have bodies left around
And so he's safely hid
B)
He'd smuggled in used razor blades
A year's supply or so
He'd need to be in Pharoah's Tomb
To sharpen them, you know
The tunnel ran down, dimly lit
Narrow, steep-- tight to fit
Full of tourists and their kit
But down the slope he goes.
A)
He fell into a pyramid
Six million tons of rock
Didn't look where he put his foot
A fatal mental block
So they shoved him in the 'cophagus
And hammered down the lid
Can't have bodies left around
And so he's safely hid
B)
Down the passage! Slide those feet!
Bent double! Don't look up!
The oxygen was really down
The CO2 was up
Stubs his toes. Bangs his head
Legs and arms they feel like lead
If he gets there he'll be half dead
But he won't give it up!
[BRIDGE]
Deep inside the pyramid
At last he reached the tomb
And past the wall of tourists saw
A dark mysterious room
He didn't take sufficient care
Trod on a step that wasn't there
Clutched his razors in despair!
And tumbled to his doom.
B)
It's a sad and sorry tale
But still...there's cause for joy
Although he's passed the veil too soon
He's now a mummy's boy!
A)
He fell into a pyramid
Six million tons of rock
Didn't look where he put his foot
A fatal mental block
They shoved him in the 'cophagus
To get him out of sight
And with his mummy close to hand
We know it's turned out right.
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17. |
I'm dead! dead! dead!
02:45
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Words & music by the late (for work) Tim Fatchen
V1
Didn't wake up this morning,
Didn't get out of bed.
Just floated around the room a while,
'Cos I'm dead! Dead! Dead!
Couldn't make any breakfast--
I couldn't cut the bread--
But it don't much matter anyhow
'Cos I'm dead! Dead! Dead!
CH
Dead! Dead! Dead!
Yes, I'm dead! Dead! Dead!
The worst thing that can happen...has
And I'm dead! Dead! Dead!
Dead! Dead! Dead!
Yes, I'm dead! Dead! Dead!
I don't need to worry 'bout dying no more
'Cos I'm dead! Dead! Dead!
V1
Floated on down to the bus stop,
Watched the bus queue shred.
I guess the queue got queasy
'Cos I'm dead! Dead! Dead!
Drifted to work, found my desk
I'd tried to get ahead.
But the boss he wouldn't see me
'Cos I'm dead! Dead! Dead!
CH
Dead! Dead! Dead!
Yes, I'm dead! Dead! Dead!
The worst thing that can happen...has
And I'm dead! Dead! Dead!
Dead! Dead! Dead!
Yes, I'm dead! Dead! Dead!
I don't need to worry 'bout dying no more
'Cos I'm dead! Dead! Dead!
V2
But one good thing, you know all them loans?
The credit cards, the mobile phones?
The car, the plasma, house and that?
The winter oil and Grandma's flat?
And all the fine print contracts,
And the bank account in red?
That's someone else's problem now!
'Cos I'm dead! Dead! Dead!
CH
Dead! Dead! Dead!
Yes, I'm dead! Dead! Dead!
The worst thing that can happen...has
And I'm dead! Dead! Dead!
Dead! Dead! Dead!
Yes, I'm dead! Dead! Dead!
I don't need to worry 'bout dying no more
'Cos I'm dead! Dead! Dead!
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Flying Tadpole Adelaide, Australia
The cutting satire, cruel humor, blue angst and general mayhem of the dark alter ego of Tim Fatchen. And the alter ego's
alter egos. And occasional or persistent collaborators, including strange shack dwellers from Wallaroo in the most recent release.
Where is Wallaroo? Nothing to see here, move along...
... more
