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1. |
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CGEA Tuning
C/F C/F C/F C/F
C
It's hard to be a millipede
F
When the blackbirds' at you
G7
You try to get your legs in step
C G7
And next, some bird will snatch yoU!
C
You work and strive to eat the chives
F
Just doing what you oughta,
G7
Then life turns bleak! You're in a beak!
G7 C
The blackbird's come to slaughter!
(CHORUS)
F C
Mother Nature, kind and sweet?
G C
Not to those with lots of feet!
F C
For us, she's all below the belt
G C
The winners, they go tweet tweet tweet!
G C
The winners, they go tweet tweet tweet!
C/F C/F C/F C/F
Life's so hard for a millipede...
Just getting those legs movin'.
We're hard to beat when it comes to feet--
A millipede's a shoe-in!
But beaks and wings and eyes and things
Sends the balance swinging.
A millipede gets no respect
Once the blackbirds all start singing!
(CHORUS)
Mother Nature, kind and sweet?
Not to those with lots of feet!
For us, she's all below the belt
The winners, they go tweet tweet tweet!
The winners, they go tweet tweet tweet!
(REPEAT CHORUS)
Yeah!
Mother Nature, kind and sweet?
Not to those with lots of feet!
For us, she's all below the belt
The winners, they go tweet tweet tweet!
The winners, they go tweet tweet tweet
The winners, they go TWEET! TWEET!
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2. |
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1.
I'm a phytoplankton
A-swimming in the sea,
And soaking all that sunshine up
And CO2 for tea.
At one with Mother Nature,
Her light gives such a punch,
I photosynthesize my food
Each time I feel like lunch.
2.
It's great to be a copepod,
A-swimming in the sea,
And searching phytoplankton out
And having them for tea.
At one with Mother Nature,
She gives me things to munch,
I gobble phytoplankton up
Each time I feel like lunch.
3.
It's great to be crustacean,
A-swimming in the sea,
And rounding zooplankton up
And having them for tea.
At one with Mother Nature,
She gives me things to munch:
I eat those animalcules up
Each time I feel like lunch.
4.
It's great to be a fishie,
A-swimming in the sea,
And slicing little shrimpies up
And having them for tea.
At one with Mother Nature,
She gives me things to munch,
So I can chew a shrimp or two
Each time I feel like lunch.
5.
It's great to be a fur seal,
A-swimming in the sea,
And chasing fishies to and fro
And having them for tea.
At one with Mother Nature,
She gives me things to munch,
So I can chew a fish or two
Each time I feel like lunch.
6.
It's great to be an orca,
A-swimming in the sea,
And playing tennis with the seals
And having them for tea.
At one with Mother Nature,
She gives me things to munch,
So I can chew a seal or two
Each time I feel like lunch.
7.
It's great to be a human,
A-paddling by the sea,
And wondering what it might wash up
That I could have for tea.
At one with Mother Nature,
I can choose to munch
An orca steak or Buttercup
Each time I feel like lunch.
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3. |
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V
Two…hundred years and more
Sealers came to Australia’s shore
Bashed and slashed at every one
Shipped off seal fur by the ton.
Wiped out nearly all the seals
(1800’s, no big deal)
With nothing left to earn their pay,
Then the sealers went away.
BR
But the fairy penguins found
Lots more room upon the ground
Lots more places they could play
A fairy penguin holiday!
They could raise big families
With the seals gone from the sea!
And they did just what I said--
Had more chicks and bred, bred bred!
CH
Munchie crunchie go the seals
Fairy penguins make great meals!
It’s all better that they’re cute!
Munchie crunchie! Down the chute
Warm and juicy, fat and red,
Penguins leave cold fish for dead!
Munchie crunchie go the seals
Fairy penguins make great meals!
V
And later fisherman incensed
By the seals caught in their fence
Kept the numbers down with shots
Hid the bodies in crayfish pots
Then the seal protection laws
Came along and closed their doors
Seals began a comeback then
A threat to every pen-goo-en
BR
Fairy penguins fade away
Now the seals are back to stay
Seals they eat the fishes too
As well as chomping penguin chews
It’s the way seals have to be
Wolves with flippers in the sea
So folks! You’ll have to shoot some seals
To cut down on those penguin meals!
CH
Munchie crunchie go the seals
Fairy penguins make great meals!
It’s all better that they’re cute!
Munchie crunchie! Down the chute!
Warm and juicy, fat and red,
Penguins leave cold fish for dead!
Munchie crunchie go the seals
Fairy penguins make great meals!
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4. |
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Mama Black Duck has five fluffy ducklings.
They look so cute all paddling on the water…
It would’ve been six but an egg got ate.
No wait! There’s four, the fifth one’s in a snake!
Oh, lookit that, it seems we’re down to three,
Still, there’s a good meal for a fat water rat.
Oh! Another’s flown away to join a hawk’s family!
Yep, Sunday family dinner is where it’s at.
Mama Black Duck has two fluffy ducklings.
They look so cute both paddling on the water,
They’re growing up, right out of the box!
Except that one’s just been slaughtered by a fox.
And the last remaining duckling tries to cross a road!
That’s not-a smart trick, and it falls rather flat…
Still, roadkill pizza goes to feed the buzzards and the crows,
And that, it would seem, is the end of that!
Mama Black Duck has no fluffy ducklings,
No ducklings left to paddle on the water.
They’ve all been eaten, sad to relate
And moved up to a higher trophic state.
So is Mama Duck a failure, through and through?
Well, no, you see, for her to reproduce,
Of all those eggs she’s yet to lay in ev’ry breeding season
She only has to raise— up two!
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5. |
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The little A-frame cottage
In the deep, dark woods,
On the steep, steep slopes,
Where the stringybarks all stood;
A wonder of design
Proclaimed an architect’ral good,
Blending well with Nature
In the deep, dark woods.
Now, the thing about our eucalypts,
They burn—they’re built that way—
And they burn just that bit hotter
(Keeps competitors away).
And if you want to live in them,
It must be understood,
A wooden A-frame blends real well
In deep, dark woods.
With a roof of sheoak shingle,
And walls of weatherboard,
And big glass windows at each end
(The architects applaud!),
And standing up on wooden poles,
A breezeway underneath,
And over, under, all around—
Stringy bark and leaves.
The little A-frame cottage
In the deep, dark woods,
On the steep, steep slopes,
Where the stringybarks all stood;
A wonder of design
Proclaimed an architect’ral good,
Blending well with Nature
In the deep, dark woods.
Now those who built and lived there
Loved the bushland thick, you see.
When nasty Rangers trimmed the brush,
They cried out bitterly!
They argued that it should be left,
Because that’s Nature’s way,
And they kicked up such a fuss and row,
They won the day!
Well…Eventually there came a fire
Burning through the woods.
(It would’ve come at some time,
It must be understood.)
It came rip-roaring up the slopes,
As is Nature’s way,
And the little A-frame blended well!
It burnt away.
The little A-frame ash-pile
In the burnt, sunny woods,
On the steep burnt slopes
Where the stringybarks stood.
A wonder of design,
It blended well and good,
When fires came, as they do,
Through deep, dark woods.
Now some things you must accept—
They must be understood—
If you plan to build an A-frame
In the deep, dark woods.
Blending well with nature
Isn’t always good,
It might leave you burnt and crispy
In the deep, dark woods.
The little A-frame cottage
In the deep, dark woods,
On the steep, steep slopes,
Where the stringybarks all stood;
A wonder of design
Proclaimed an architect’ral good,
Blending well with Nature
In the deep, dark woods.
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6. |
I'm a tree
02:00
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I'M A TREE
CH
I'm a tree so tall
Got no friends at all
Everybody's out to get me!
Borers want to bite me,
And humans want to light me
I'm a tree! I'm a tree! I'm a tree!
CH
I'm a tree so tall
Got no friends at all
Everyone wants something out of me!
Caterpillars chew me
And termites eat right through me
I'm a tree! I'm a tree! I'm a tree!
V
Possums they involve me
Fungus they dissolve me
Elephants they tear my crown apart.
Just anything that moves,
Of that I disapprove
It's because I have a wooden heart!
CH
I'm a tree so tall
Got no friends at all
Everyone's an enemy!
When you're stuck in the ground
You can't get around.
I'm a tree! I'm a tree! I'm a tree!
V
You think you love me true
But I certainly don't love you
And as for children I have thousands every year
Objections I have not
If they grow in their own plot
As long as they don't try growing here
BR
"Cos I'll drip on them dioxins!
And kill their roots with toxins!
And leave them dying yellow in my shade!
It's all about survival--
I can't permit any rival--
And that's the way a tree is made.
CH
I'm a tree so tall
Got no friends at all
And I'll poison you too, if I get a chance!
So when tree-hugs give you splinters
And they fester in mid winter
And your arms fills up with pus
(And your parents, with disgust!)
And the gangrene turns you blue--
It's a gift! From me! To you!
I'm a tree! I'm a tree! I'm a tree!
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7. |
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Parasites are every body's friend!
They help unhealthy lives to their end!
The fitter, they survive, and pay the parasites their tithe.
Yes, parasites are every body's friend!
Think about a mistletoe seed...
It gives a special bird its feed.
And in return the bird will sow it in a turd,
To slowly grow and eat a tree.
And nematodes--they're thinner than a thread--
The poor worms even lack a head!
But still they've compensated, they've thoroughly infiltrated,
There's solid worms in anything, live or dead.
Yes, parasites are marvellous things,
And living with them, endless pleasure brings.
They're with you all the time, _you're_ part of Nature's Grand Design,
Yes, parasites are marvellous things!
And parasites are people too!
They're part of me, and certainly part of you!
So remember as you pass your tapeworm in the bath
Parasites are people too!
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8. |
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I'm Sparky the ring-tailed possum
I'm Sparky, so cute to see
And I sparkle as I demolish
Your favourite nectarine tree
I'm Sparky the ring-tailed possum
So pretty, so much fun
Rattling 'cross your roof at midnight
With my mates, all at a run!
I'm as cute a furry bundle as ever came along
But in my sparkling life, there's one thing wrong:
A prehensile tail and electricity
I know one day they'll be the end of me!
I hiss and heavy breathe
Just outside your bed
A nightmare sound at two A.M.
To help you wake and hit your head!
I cakewalk on the powerlines
Sparky the daring and renowned!
The mem'ry of my family before me shines!
Their blaze of glory blacked out all the town!
I'm as cute a furry bundle as ever came along
But in my sparkling life, there's one thing wrong:
A prehensile tail and electricity
I know one day they'll be the end of me!
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9. |
The Germ Song
01:30
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CGEA tuning
Spoken intro:
“In this modern age you need the cleanest house!
Sparkling surfaces you can eat off!
Floors you can show off!
Bathrooms you can blow off!
Yes!!! A sterile home is what you need
On your terms!
Antiseptic everywhere!
Free from germs!”
C/C6
Your parents kept you safe and sound
They let no nasties come around
F
And so, my sweet, you didn’t feed
C/C6
Your immune system, which you need!
F
And that’s one reason, when you’re grown,
C
There’s nothing safe, life’s one big moan
F
And why you’re sick with this and that:
G7
Your parents swallowed all that crap...
C/C6
...About protecting you from germs.
They raised you on the cleanest terms.
F G7
And now it’s you who pays the price
C
Because they took the “best advice”!
[silent pause]
C/C6
(If you’re not grown-up, then go out and play
And eat an ounce of dirt a day!
F G7
And if parents stop you doing that,
C
Well, surreptitiously---lick the cat!)
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10. |
Don't eat the mushrooms
02:26
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V
Don't eat the mushrooms
In the woods
Some might make you happy
Then send you off for good
Some look so pretty
Red with white spots
You'll only eat one
No time left for lots
CH
Tell you what, kid, take it from me.
Ignore all the guff on spirituality
Stay away from Nature and you'll be Home Free
And alive to enjoy virtual reality!
V
Don't shove your hands
down the small dark holes
Perhaps they're only
Inhabited by voles
In which case rabies
Will tend to end your life
But you never know
There's a faint chance you'll survive
CH
Pay attention, kid, take it from me.
Ignore all the guff on spirituality
Stay away from Nature and you'll be Home Free
And alive to enjoy virtual reality!
V
Don't walk barefoot
through the long grass
It offends the footless
To see you pass
So many kinds
of venomous snakes
And one good bite
is all it takes
CH
What's wrong with you, kid, listen to me!
Ignore all the guff on spirituality
Stay away from Nature and you'll be Home Free
And alive to enjoy virtual reality!
V
Don't pull the loose bark
off the trees
It might be a skink
You're hoping to see
But chances are
It's a funnelweb you seize
Raging 'cos you pulled the bark
Off it's tree.
Br
How do I convince you, what must I do,
To get it across, there's death waiting for you?
Millenia of Nature, red in tooth and claw,
And ready to grind you in her ugly maw
CH
I give up, kid, you won't listen to me.
You're stuck on Nature and spirituality
If you'd stayed away from Nature you'ld've been Home Free
And still alive to enjoy virtual reality
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Flying Tadpole Adelaide, Australia
The cutting satire, cruel humor, blue angst and general mayhem of the dark alter ego of Tim Fatchen. And the alter ego's
alter egos. And occasional or persistent collaborators, including strange shack dwellers from Wallaroo in the most recent release.
Where is Wallaroo? Nothing to see here, move along...
... more
