Get all 7 Flying Tadpole releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Throttle Me a Busker, Ukulele Criminal, Light Duties, Flying Tadpole's Travelling Blues Band, A Childes Garden of Ecologickally Correct Songes, Holidays and Other Disasters, and Irritatin' Katy.
1. |
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1.Why do folk all run a- way,
Whenever I come out to play
They point and they mutter "A dangerous nutter"
And lock down the town for the day!
2.Why do the mothers all scream?
I've stopped eating any thing green,
Or red for that matter Or children in batter,
I try to be one of the team!
3.It's true that I play With modelling clay,
And make little figures of friends!
And adorn them with pins, and needles stuck in,
'Cos naked models offend!
4.Why do folk all run away,
Whenever I come out to play?
I'd want to be The next effigy,
If someone like me came my way!
[INSTR_BRIDGE]
5. And what of the toads I save from the roads,
The bat cave I caref'lly maintain.
And the special elixirs that come from my mixers
Such good deeds they treat with disdain!
6. No need to run away,
Whenever I come out to play
I'm really quite sweet! You'd be in for a treat!
If you stayed I could make your day!
7. No need to run away!
Together we could make hay!
Call me! I'll come! And there's no need to run!
With potions I'll pay my own way!
With clay, pins and needles,
with toads and CatWeazles
With bats and with potions we'll play!
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2. |
Baby it's Coles outside!
02:58
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I had a little house Down the end of the street,
And shopping was a pain! It hurt my feet!
So I moved round the corner To get real close
To the big supermarket With the most!
What's that muzak through my window? Baby it's Coles outside!
What's that car doing blocking my driveway? Baby it's Coles outside!
Why's the footpath full of trolleys?
Where'd that screaming child get lollies?
Baby it's Coles! Baby it's Coles! Baby it's Coles outside!
Living by the big store, got it's advantages.
When you need a li'l more, Cross the road!
You don't need a car to go out shopping with!
You can push it home by the trolley load!
What's that noise coming through my window? Baby it's Coles outside!
Why's that kid being sick on my driveway? Baby it's Coles outside!
Who spilt the Coke all over the footpath?
Who made the gutter a skim milk bird bath?
Baby it's Coles! Baby it's Coles! Baby it's Coles outside!
Now I got another house Just across the street,
From the big supermarket, And the shopping's sweet (It's Sweet!)
And the living's different Now I'm real close
To the big supermarket With the most!
What's that sound coming through my window? Baby it's Coles outside!
Why's that big truck blocking the roadway? Baby it's Coles outside!
Why's the traffic all got edgy,
Why're they skidding on mashed fruit and veggies?
Baby it's Coles! Baby it's Coles! Baby it's Coles outside!
Early morning 2AM The big trucks roll in.
You can tell by their rumble The Goods are in!
And you don't miss work when you been late up
Cos the seven o'clock compactor will wake you up!
What's that light shining through my window? Baby it's Coles outside!
What's that bag blowing through my doorway? Baby it's Coles outside!
Still, if you want to live conveniently close
To a big supermarket with the most,
You gotta accept that sometimes it's GROSS!
Baby it's Coles outside!
Baby it's Coles! Baby it's Coles!
Baby it's Coles outside!
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3. |
Demons in my head
02:17
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Well, it's twelve forty five and I just go to bed
Get to sleep, lay these demons Running in my head
Get to sleep, kill them dead, Get the demons outta my head,
Go to bed, go to bed, Get the demons outta my head
It's near one A.M. And I still can't get to sleep,
There's this bunch of demons In my head, counting sheep.
And my mind's getting torn, 'Cos the sheep they're being shorn
By the demons in my head, in my bed, in my head,
By the demons in my head, in my bed, In my head.
It's now gone one, And the demons drinking gin
It's now gone two, and their cousins joining in
It's gone three, I can't see
Why they have to make this din.
It's gone half past four And I can't stay anymore
In this bed with the demons running in my head,
Run away, they might stay In the bed while I'm away
Demons in my bed, from my head, in my bed,
The demons in my bed, from my head...in my bed.
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4. |
Very strange
03:29
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[Chorus]
Very strange, my ghosts come back to haunt me,
Very strange, they all line up to taunt me
Very strange, please help me find my way back home!
Very strange. They won't stay dead and buried!
Very strange! They've woken up already
Please help me find my way back home.
I did what I did 'cos I had to do
What was done to let me be the real me!
All my friends said "make an end!
Get rid of the past to be Home, free!"
[to Chorus]
My friends helped me line the mem'ries up,
And they helped dig the grave to cover them up,
We laid them out as slickly as could be...
But now they're back and here with me!
[to Chorus]
It's all very well, to put the past behind you,
All you got to do is watch your back
But what do you do when the past wakes up,
And marches in for a frontal attack?
[to Chorus]
[Coda]
Very strange. Very strange. Very strange? Very strange!
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5. |
Throttle me a busker
03:22
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CHORUS
I'm gonna go outside, and throttle me a busker.
And the world will be a better place, when I'm done.
Yes, I'm gonna go outside and throttle me a busker
And leave his carcass sizzling in the summer sun.
VERSE 1
He's singing songs from the '50s and the '60s
And his adenoidal siren's going strong
And their whine will penetrate
Any wall you can create
It's a dentist's drill a-drillin' all day long.
[to CHORUS]
VERSE 2
We've suggested he'd be better going home,
We've even tried to pay him to move on,
But the more that people pay,
The more he stays to play,
He's bent on bending notes and groovin' on
[to CHORUS]
BRIDGE
I tried my amp to 10 in the doorway,
And got arrested by the EPA.
I rang Police but they just said "He's licensed.
And if he's licensed then he's free to play."
Vainly I am pleading
Earworms I'm not needing,
I can't finish my Symphony
When my brain keeps singing "1.2.3..."
Not much I can do
And so, I'm telling you...
[to CHORUS ]
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6. |
Owls on the roof
01:45
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Owls on the roof, stomping around,
I know they can fly without a sound,
But they're owls on my roof stomping around.
Owls on the roof, stealth hawks landed
Must have flown in empty handed,
Lost out on the food they demanded
Owls on the roof, no scream or hoot,
Can't be got at, they're astute,
Stomping on the iron like they wear lead boots,
Stomping like they wear lead boots
Owls on the roof, possums run away,
Save their ringtails for today...
Raptor diets? those vegans won't stay!
(Owls on the roof, shock you awake,
makes you wonder if it' ll break)
Owls on the roof, stomping on the steel,
Three storeys up and the sound is real
Three A.M. footsteps, just a little surreal!
Owls on the roof, stomping around,
I know they can fly without a sound.
But they're here on my roof and they're stomping around.
Owls on the roof, Owls on the roof, Stomping around.
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7. |
I have got the munchies
02:01
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[CHORUS] (Twice each time)
I have got the Munchies!
Search for salty, sweet or cruuuuunchy,
I have got the Munchies!
[VERSE 1]
Rusty looking Milo tin... (Milo tin!) (Milo tin!)
Don't know how the ants got in... (Ants got in!) (Ants got in!)
Rusty looking Milo tin, Don't know how the ants got in.
[CHORUS]
[VERSE 2]
Empty out the freezer.. (the freezer!) (The freezer!)
Desp'rate to find pizza... (Pizza!) (Pizza!)
Empty out the freezer, Desperate to find pizza
[CHORUS]
[VERSE 3]
Pick through bags of veggie sludge! (Sludge!) (Sludge!)
Can't find sugary choc'late fudge! (Choc'late fudge!) (Choc'late fudge!)
Pick through bags of veggie sludge!
Can't find sugary choc'late fudge!
Can't find sugary choc 'late fudge!
[CHORUS]
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8. |
Academic polemic
03:20
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[Verse 1]
A post-modern education is easily understood,
Once you fix it in your head the past holds nothing good.
But the future can be golden if you throw away the past
And nail post-modern colours to your academic mast!
True, the academic garden is not without its bruises,
But of all those who stay the course, no-one ever loses!
And the academic pinnacle's the highest you can reach-
Let others hew! Why learn to do?
Better far to teach!
[Chorus]
Pre-school, Kindergarten, Infant school and Primary,
Lower School, Middle School, Upper School and then...
[Uni-]Varsity, Ordinary, Honours, Masters, P h D,
Out to be Post-Doct'rally and then you're back again...
[As a] Demonstrator, Lecturer, a senior Lecturer too!
An Associate Professor, (There's no Readers now, it's true),
And finally a full Professor, and perhaps a Dean!
[And...oh!] _What_ a wealth of life and experience you've seen!
[Verse 2]
Yes, the academic garden is not without its thorns
(And let me tell you, those that leave will be forever torn!).
You must pee in other pockets, it's now call peer review,
And if you stroke their egos, they'll happily stroke you.
And Consensus is the big thing now! Forget Discovery!
For if you go out on your own, there's no recovery...
Yes the academic garden is not without its thorns,
But it's not so much a rosebed, as a uniform cut lawn.
[Chorus]
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9. |
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Things that go bump in the night!
Crawling down the staircase
Erratic'ly rattling the roofing iron
Shuffling soot in the fireplace.
Things that go bump in the night!
Floorboards with two A.M. creaking,
Doors that mysteriously shut,
Rafters in darkness speaking.
From things that go bump in the night,
From beasties and bogles save us!
For creatures of darkness have come here to stay;
Every night they come out to play:
Save us, oh save us, oh save us today
From things that go bump in the night!
Things that go bump in the night!
Scurryings under the eaves,
Strange sounds from the ivy,
Chitterings under the leaves.
Things that go bump in the night!
Invisibly rattling the casement,
With gurgles and distant tapping
From eightlegged things in the basement!
Things that go bump in the night!
The vampire owls on the roof-tree,
Tearing the flesh and the blood dripping slick
With a whisper of feathers and beaks that go "click"!
Save us, oh save us, oh save us, quick!
From things that go bump, things that go bump, in the night.
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10. |
Dishpig distress
00:43
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Dishwasher, loading the crockery
Grotty and dripping forks and plates.
Dishpig, that's what they call me.
It's a job. Pay's not great.
But if it's done wrong,
That's my one dread
Poisoned food,
Patrons
Dead
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11. |
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[Verse 1]
My cat needs a triple bypass,
My dog says "Let it die!"
My girl friend's off with the postman
My job's gone pie in the sky.
My roof's falling in thru my ceiling,
The termites ate my floor.
I'd like, please, to find a way out of here
To where I haven't been before!
[Chorus]
Karma's supposed to play even,
What comes around, went before.
But I don't know just what I did
For bad karma to hit me more.
Yes, karma's supposed to play even,
So why is it hitting me more.
[Verse 2]
My car's just blown its gear box,
The wall teller ate my card.
The furniture store's foreclosing,
The local's had me barred.
They cut my water off,
So my boiler's just blown up.
Now my sewage-pipes gone septic,
And the gas range just gave up.
[Chorus]
[Verse 3]
What did I do in an earlier life
To have this heaped on me?
Was I some sort of pirate?
Murder in the Caribbean Sea.
Perhaps I was Napoleon,
Wearing Napoleon's hat,
Or a dictator hater of felines?
At least that explains the cat!
[Chorus]
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12. |
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[CHORUS]
South down the coast the youngsters came,
showering us with blossom,
And munching on the fig and fruit they found along the way;
And set up in their new locale,
bred faster than the possums,
And that whole fruit bat colony was here to stay!
[Verse 1]
Many years ago, up in warm Coffs Harbour,
some young fruit bats nibbled on their tea banana.
"It's getting quite crowded here, we need a new base,
It's warmer too, so let's some move to K'ringaiChase"
[to Chorus]
[Verse 2]
Bumping in the flight paths, above the City Lights,
The fruit bats coming to and from the garden delights:
"It's getting quite crowded here and fruit's got scarce in Sydney.
It's warmer too, so let's some move to Wollongong Steel City."
[to Chorus]
[Verse 3]
On the scarp the colonies they prospered and grew fat-ter,
Making noise and drizzle like incontinent mad hatters
"It's getting crowded here" some said "and harder for the feedin'.
It's warmer too, so let's some move, down the coast to Eden."
[to Bridge 1]
[Bridge 1]
And so they hopped and stopped and bred
And sent the offspring on ahead
And Orbost, Bairnsdale tick them off
(But Melbourne, no, not worth a stop)
And then in Bendigo arrived
And like the rest that colony thrived.
[to Chorus]
[Verse 4]
This colony had special tastes, admiring eighties art, (1880s!)
But like all others, grew and bred, eating backyard plants.
"It's getting crowded, and it's warmer, and we'll have it made,
If we get to, far away a place called Adelaide."
[to Bridge 2]
[Bridge 2]
And so at last to Adelaide another bat bunch blew,
And found within Botanic Park a roosting with a view!
Of Elton John and other concerts, car racing on the go
A more exciting domicile than goldstruck Bendigo.
They range out far and wide for fruit, if you watch y'can't miss 'em!
They're now integral to our city's warped ecosystem!
[to Chorus]
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13. |
I'm a Shi Tzu
01:41
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[CHORUS X2]
I’m/He's a Shi Tzu
At the bottom of the list
I’m/He's a Shi Tzu
And I’m/we're sure that no-one’s missed
I’m/He's stuck at Number Seventy
‘Cos in the smart dog stakes there’s no equity
[VERSE 1]
Those Border Collies and Ozzie Cattle Dogs
In the Smart Dog Stakes, well, they’re the hogs
But all that I can see below me on the list,
Are thick-as-bricks Afghans and Mastiffs
[CHORUS X2]
[VERSE 2]
“The Intelligence of Dogs” circa 1994
Set the smart dog breeders and the rest of us at war
It’s because I don’t take orders worth a dam’
That they’ve stuck me in that bloody list, where I am.
[FINAL CHORUS X1]
I’m/He's a Shi Tzu
At the bottom of the list
I’m/He's a Shi Tzu
And I’m/we're sure that no-one’s missed
I’m/He's stuck at Number Seventy
‘Cos in the smart dog stakes there’s no equity (Bark!)
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14. |
Deep fried tadpole blues
04:38
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[VERSE 1]
Oh I need me something tasty,
Something just to hit the spot.
I need to fill my belly
With a bowl of something hot.
[PRE-CHORUS]
Oh man, I got the deep fried blues,
The deep fried blues,
Oh man, I got the deep fried blues
The deep fried blues!
[CHORUS]
No mung bean soup for me (Hell no!)
No hazelnut puree, (Puree!)
No highfalutin' dishes
That contain no calories. (Calories!)
I need me some real food (Hell yeah!)
Crunchy and delish! (Delish!)
I need a plate of Mama’s own,
Mama's twice fried tadpole crisps!
I got the deep fried tadpole blues
I got the Deep fried tadpole blues
I got the deep fried tadpole, deep fried tadpole,
Deep fried tadpole blues.
[VERSE 2]
Well I’m a hundred miles from nowhere,
And me Mama, she is daid,
So I had the tadpole munchies,
An' don't look like I'll be fed.
[to Pre-Chorus & Chorus]
[VERSE 3]
I’m tryin' hard to get where
Me Mama, she done rest,
But it's tougher than I thought
To get to heaven in this mess.
[to Pre-Chorus & Chorus]
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15. |
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Me, I'm just a baby dragon, looking for the sun,
Stretching on my gibber rock, hoping dinosaurs don't come!
A reptile life, it's not that bad, when you're warmed up you can go!
It's not the mammals that make me mad, but th' other lot out there, you know.
They're hot blooded, that aint fair! They don't need sun warming,
They just jump up in the air And flap around barnstorming!
They got talons, they got beaks! They got wings, the feathered freaks!
They got eyes see miles around, And they see dragons on the ground!
Dinosaurs they fill my day, And flap and whistle all around
I wish they'd all just fade away And not swoop on me, on the ground.
Us reptiles, well, we learnt to pray When the dinosaurs first roared.
Humans say "They had their day"...Can't they SEE the dinosaurs?
They got talons! They got beaks! They got wings, the feathered freaks!
They got eyes see miles around, And they'll eat you too, on the ground!
(Hey! Humans! Wake up! you'll pay the price one day for all those sunnyside-ups and omelettes, you mark my words...)
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16. |
All along the sidewalk
05:32
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[VERSE 1]
There must be some way outta here!"
My lover cried, in tears.
"The buskers thick crowd the sidewalk near,
To kill me through my ears"
"Fear no more, my love!" I said,
"Your safety rests with me!
Here's earphones for your pretty head,
And broadband bound you'll be!"
[CHORUS]
All along the sidewalk,
Waiting for the end.
The buskers music mauling,
The passersby to rend.
The young, the old, the fit, the halt,
All targetted alike,
All along the sidewalk the buskers,
Day and night!
[VERSE 2]
For coming soon through our front gates
A Viking techno man!
And on the sidewalk now there waits
A drill rig for his hand.
And when the fearsome pit he's dug,
He'll sweep those buskers in!
And I...an earthquake I will call
To seal the buskers in!
[to chorus]
[VERSE 3]
[first 4 lines instrumental]
And so it came to pass:
The buskers swept away.
And cool clean rain the sidewalk washed,
On that soft and silent day.
[to chorus]
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17. |
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[PART 1]
Hear this strain, of our town's drain,
A Common one, it's true.
It catches all the septic tanks
Fed by the township's loos.
And normally it works a treat
To tertiary ponds it goes.
And gives the wildlife food to eat,
As through the wetland it flows.
But our house sadly, stands alone
The lowest of the low.
And being on the bottom, we shudder,
Shudder, When storms blow.
[PART 2]
Because we know that heavy rains
Will overpow'r the common drains,
And through the lowest septic tanks
They'll do a backflush, to be frank,
And distribute throughout the yard,
Some post-digested pork and lard,
Or methane laden veg'tables,
Or whole-grains unacceptable,
Or any item you might think
Goes down the loo or through the sink
Or down the washbasin or show'r
Depending what your habits are.
[PART 3]
When there's heavy rain,
The bloody common drain
Back to our septic it will rush,
The crust and critters it will crush,
The septic tank it will backflush
A torrent ex-humane!
Ten thousand tumbling turds
Come spouting up the drain,
A brown bomb stream with typhoid dreams,
A vengeful anal pain
And the perfume rises well
Into the moist night air,
And people cry "Flee! Flee and fly!!
The smell's gone ev'rywhere!"
Ten thousand tumbling turds
Come spouting up the drain,
A brown bomb stream with typhoid
dreams,
A sight and smell profane
And as outside we trudge
To try to clean it up,
We shuffle through the sewer sludge
And try not throwing up...
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18. |
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[Part 1]
Why does my machinery hate me?
My desktop's planning to negate me.
The washing machine,
It wants to puree me...
The gas oven pilot light is callin',
Into the dishwasher I've fallen,
Out from the microwave come crawlin'
Ants to bury me
My CPU it's running hot
‘Cos Windows seven's what I got.
Its cooling fans scream 'cos they're shot
And it freezes up on me.
The screaming dryer slips its pin
And rises from the cage it's in
And blows up like a charity bin
And showers torn clothes on me.
[Part 2]
Why does my machinery hate me?
My TV always tries to bait me,
The freezer wants to
Amputate me.
It seems there isn't any item
Whose role in life is not to frighten!
Their stranglehold on me is tight'nin'
While they’re breaking free!
Technology! You think it's great?
Puts humans past their use-by date!
I know you think I'm mad
But wait and see!
When you're all cranky old and grey,
It's your machines'll end your day,
And dump you in the discard tray
With all those bits of me… (urggghh)
[Part 3]
No, there's nothing gonna save me,
Nothing left but being brave, me!
I'd be safer in a cave,
me…
While outside all the world gets madder,
Technocrats get big and badder,
Outsiders they just get sadder,
Soon be in a grave with me..
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19. |
Beady eyes
02:20
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They'd planned in secret for a year,
They'd draw the lizard-folk to town,
They'd cheese them in a razor trap,
And then they'd take the lizards down!
But what they failed to understand,
Was feathered dinosaurs abound,
Disguised as "birds" with beady eyes,
like buskers, Always around.
And on the ground
And in the skies
You're being watched by beady eyes!
Yes! On the ground
And in the skies
You're being watched by beady eyes!
They didn't know that there were friends
The lizard-folk could call upon,
They didn't realise the birds
At lizard-call would fall upon
The righteous in their big white hats
And scatter entrails far and wide!
it wouldn't matter there's a trap
To catch the lizard-folk inside!
Like scrambled eggs It all panned out,
Like offal fries with blood about!
Like scrambled eggs It all panned out,
Like offal fries with blood about!
The plan was panned,
The white hats damned.
The lizard-folk? Hey!
They thought it grand!
And on the ground
And in the skies
You're being watched
by beady eyes!
Yes! On the ground
And in the skies
You're being watched
By beady eyes!
BEADY EYES!
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20. |
Wurmerdammerung
05:47
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Beyond the walls,the mortal sun is shining
Deep in my vault, on earth I should be sleeping
And dreaming lifelong dreams of blood lust burning
But sleep eludes me, for the worms keep turning!
The worms, the worms!
Writhing, wriggling, sliding, slipping.
The worms, the worms!
Tangling, knotting, dying, rotting!
Cast out from the world of light
And cast out by the worms, each night...
Beyond the walls, twilight un-folding
I fly to my love, my red lust burning
In my arms, her body holding
To pierce her sweet neck, to ease my yearning
Red on pale skin, finished the bleeding
My love exhausted from the feeding
Back to my dark moist earth returning
Warmth and the daylight gladly spurning,
daylight, daylight gladly spurning.
But the worms, the worms!
Writhing, wriggling, sliding, slipping.
The worms, the worms!
Tangling, knotting, dying, rotting!
I should have fixed the castle plumbing
Yet I couldn’t resist the workmen's offering
Now none are to the castle coming
The damp remains, as does my suffering
Undead I lie, eternity beckoning
But all the time, I face a reckoning...
For more than blood, sleep I am craving;
But on the damp earth, on the damp earth,
The worms, the worms keep waving
The worms, the worms!
Writhing, wriggling, sliding, slipping.
The worms, the worms!
Tangling, knotting, dying, rotting!
The worms, the worms!
Writhing, wriggling, sliding, slipping.
The worms, the worms!
Tangling, knotting, dying, rotting!
Cast out from the world of light
And cast out by the worms, each night...
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Flying Tadpole Adelaide, Australia
The cutting satire, cruel humor, blue angst and general mayhem of the dark alter ego of Tim Fatchen. And the alter ego's
alter egos. And occasional or persistent collaborators, including strange shack dwellers from Wallaroo in the most recent release.
Where is Wallaroo? Nothing to see here, move along...
... more
